It’s about that time. Everyone and their mother are doing 2018 season previews. Will the Mets starting rotation stay healthy? Will Byron Buxton continue to be an above-average hitter? Will anyone ever challenge the Dodgers for the NL West crown in our lifetimes?
We ignored all of that, and instead, decided to preview the 2018 MLB season by doing what we do best: subjectively drafting guys we enjoy watching in short stints. Or, more precisely, in a special episode of the podcast, we drafted eight man teams of the most GIF-able players MLB has to offer this year. Both of our teams featured a player from each division, plus two “wild card” spots. Before you get to arguing about our choices (read: DO NOT come yelling about how Mike Trout is the best player in baseball. We know.), here are the main tools we scouted the players by:
1. Bat flips: you know, when they flip the bats.
2. Antics: on-field or off-field.
3. Big Home Runs: big, big home runs.
4. Big Smile: the kind you’d wanna take home to your parents.
5. Unnatural Pitch Movement: “the ball shouldn’t go that way, Tim.”
6. Emphatic Displays of Emotion: “my God, did Chris Sale just take a bat with him into the clubhouse?”
7. Web Gems: the kind that get Scott Van Pelt amped on midnight SportsCenter.
We plan on updating this as the season goes on — not changing the order or anything, but adding categories like “2018’s Best GIF to Date” and “Whose stock is rising?” If you’re like us, you’ll want to check back in as we go. And if you want to listen to the draft, make sure to find the episode in your favorite podcast app by searching “Tipping Pitches.” But for now, behold the beauty of GIFs, more GIFs, and nothing but GIFs. Here is your Tipping Pitches 2018 All-GIF Draft.
1.
When I won rock, paper, scissors, suddenly the weight of the first pick sat on my shoulders. Who is baseball’s most GIF-able player? Who, in one, brief, repeating series of images, symbolizes everything that Alex and I have come to love about this silly game? This pick isn’t just a meaningless choice — it was a statement of creed. Well, I think I landed on the right guy. Bryce is flair incarnate. His hair cascades from his hat or helmet at least once a game, and he throws it back so violently cool, like 2018 James Dean or something. Plus, he’s actually incredible at baseball and has been known admire his monstrous home runs, so he’ll spend a ton of time in the limelight. I couldn’t feel any better about choosing Harper, the guy who wants to make baseball fun again. —Bobby
2.
When you have a player who so clearly enjoys playing the game of baseball, I really didn’t even have a choice with this one. With my first pick in the draft, I had to go with the player with the highest ceiling, and lemme tell you, with Puig, the GIFs just write themselves. The bat flips! The web gems! The goofiness! His ability to find the camera at every crucial moment is really one of those intangibles that just can’t be taught. Puig will see your bat flips and raise you a bat lick or three. He’s an All-Star GIF player if there ever was one, and he’s young enough that he’s got room to grow. Yasiel Puig, you are too good for this world. —Alex
3.
In retrospect, I probably could have got Votto lower. The NL Central, as we noted during the draft, was right up there with the AL West for the most loaded divisions. Alex probably would’ve have taken Javy way before he would’ve taken Joey. But I don’t regret a thing. Votto is an authentic ham. By that I mean, he does things worth making into GIFs, but it’s almost like they’re an innate part of him. Unless he’s a character actor who’s been in his role since he came up to the league, I genuinely think he’s just a weirdo who treats every game like he’s standing in front of a mirror judging if he looks good in his tight pants. —Bobby
4.
I was honestly elated that Beltre fell to the second round, because he’s really a first round talent and should make it to the Hall of Fame off his GIFs alone. Really, there are five or six players on the Rangers alone who could snag a spot on an all-GIF roster, but Beltre is the cream of the crop. He really is an ageless wonder and though his body and mind have grown, he has the heart and soul of a Little Leaguer. What he lacks in bat flips he makes up for in sheer swing effort, and he’s just such a joy to watch. I don’t even have anything else funny to say about him. We’ll all be worse off when he decides to hang it up. —Alex
5.
When I went to go search for Lindor’s “Title Belt” GIF — the one that was worthy of putting on his scouting report — I had a hard time settling. Do I choose one of him missing first on a home run trot and scurrying back adorably? Do I choose one of him getting so amped after hitting a double that he probably bruises his own chest? Maybe I should’ve chosen one of him turning towards the dugout and smiling. I think that struggle speaks to just how GIF-able he is. He’s the volume shooter of GIFs, and quite frankly it warms my heart. I’d watch every second of his career in GIF form…although I guess that’d be more like a video…and it’s a little Truman Show-y. —Bobby
6.
I think I kind of reached on this one because realistically he’s one of the more boring picks in the draft, if only because he’s basically got one skill — but that said, it’s a really good one! I already had the young gun and the big-hearted veteran, and in the moment I decided I needed some raw power on my team. Throughout the draft, I tried to round out my team with the best of all the tools, and Stanton? He’s got home runs all right. Obviously, the health is a big risk for him because he’s a real volume shooter, but if he can stay on the field he’s going to be a sight to see at Yankee Stadium. Also, he has a really great smile (better than Judge’s, despite what Bobby might tell you). The ball in that GIF above went like 500 feet (and yes, yes, I know it’s Coors. Can you imagine if he played half his games there? My god…) —Alex
7.
I felt like, at the halfway point in the draft, it was time for a boom or bust pick. Ohtani is that guy. We’ve been hearing whispers about the teenager’s legendary power from the Japanese league for a couple years now. And, quite clearly, he’s proven he’s got a hook that’ll leave some people needing to change their pants after their at-bat. But, as I said in my scouting report, there’s always the chance he struggles and gets sent down to the minors to figure some things out. I felt like, with a solid foundation of Harper (#1 on my board), Votto (#3 on my board), and Lindor (#4 on my board), Ohtani (a foundational guy who partially inspired the idea to do this draft) was well worth the 7th overall pick. —Bobby
8.
Javy is a boom or bust kind of player who could go on a hot GIF streak at any point. I think he gets a little lost in the shuffle over at Wrigley with guys like Anthony Rizzo and Kris Bryant stealing the spotlight (or whichever prospect they bring up every six weeks who immediately rakes). But Baez is cool, calm, and collected. I also relate to him on a deeper level because of his air guitar skills, not to mention the chemistry of putting him and Puig on the same team that can only lead to good things. That finger wag became an all-timer as soon as he unleashed it into the world, and that takes some true talent. —Alex
9.
My selection of Judge was meant as a sort of counterbalance to Alex choosing Stanton. I felt like Alex reached a little for Giancarlo. Not to say these two Bronx bombers aren’t worthy of some colossal GIFs, but there’s just something about a towering 450-foot home run that a GIF can’t do justice. Judge will rack up his fair share of “cute smiling in the dugout” GIFs, and he’s likely to have a little fun leaning over the railing with his partners in crime. Plus, he’s an extremely underrated defender. Robbing that home run in the ALCS was supreme. I’m sort of hoping he goes out to the “Judge’s Chambers” to snap a photo with Ruth Bader-Ginsburg or something. That would be a Hall of Fame-level GIF. —Bobby
10.
I stay up until 4 a.m. watching Andrelton Simmons highlight compilations, so it’s only fitting to add him to my squad. What even is this? Not fair, certainly. I’m not even sure that I have much more to say at this point. He’s a walking defensive highlight reel, the kind of talent that could pop up on your timeline on a weekly basis. Yes, please. —Alex
11.
I underrated Kersh in my scouting report of him. The dude is a bona fide weirdo. When I was searching through mlb.com/gifs to find something to do the best pitcher in baseball justice, I almost jumped at several GIFs of him being emotional and weird in the dugout. He yells, a lot. He seems to be having a genuinely good time with all his teammates. He obviously has The Curveball. I ended up choosing an adorable GIF of him talking to a fan with his chin resting on the dugout fence, because, c’mon. But this GIF of him catching (if you can call it that) a first pitch, from his daughter, melted my heart into a gigantic puddle. He’s a definite x-factor. —Bobby
12.
Scherzer really should not have fallen this far, but I’m glad he did. If there’s a pitcher to take, he’s certainly one of the more entertaining choices, and his pitches aren’t bad either (sorry Ichiro). I die every time I see the GIF above. The man is a complete psycho in the absolute best way, and he’s good for one or two of those gems every year. I felt like I only really needed one pitcher, because he’s got you covered on the pitches front, and he’s got the emotions to back it up. Although, I wouldn’t exactly get excited to be his manager. —Alex
13.
I said it on the podcast, but I feel it needs reiterating: I could not have a team with a National, a Yankee, and no Met. That would be sacrilege. My cousins would sniff out my treason at the next Mets family tailgate. They’d burn my Mets Fan Club Card. Getting him this late was a treat, though I figured he’d still be around since I knew Alex’s team would skew heavy toward hitters. Noah has a litany of worthwhile moments to commemorate into Hall of Fame GIFs (hockey with Jake, football with Jake, wrestling with Jake, Topps PR, to name a few). But what really sealed the deal for me was that every time I see him, he is a ray of hope through the shitstorm that is the New York Mets. Rooting for Noah is pure bliss. That made it worth the pick, if nothing else. —Bobby
14.
Buxton might be more of a sleeper pick, but he’s so raw and toolsy in real life and that translates nicely to the GIF format. He gives it his all and it’s amazing. Honestly, I’m kind of afraid he’s going to hurt himself? But until he does, he’s going to be a GIF machine. Is it blasphemous to say that his defense reminds me of another pretty good center fielder who threw his body into it? Also, I can’t think of many other players who can make a GIF out of their feet alone — twice! —Alex
15.
I primarily took Machado because I didn’t think my team had enough “web gem” potential. However, I gotta say, Manny Machado is the most likeable asshole in Major League Baseball. He’s all the cockiest dudes you ever played with rolled into one. That puts his GIF potential through the roof. When he makes a web gem in the field, he’s definitely going to smirk at you (and probably your girl). If he hits a walk off on you, you’re going to hear him yelling, even if you’ve made it back to the clubhouse already. And, quite frankly, I love it. He is a supernova. I can’t think of anyone better to tie a bow on my team. —Bobby
16.
The last round boom-or-bust pick. I just had to get Bartolo on my team. He’s so cute! I just enjoy watching him play baseball, embodying a similar spirit to the one that Beltre has. I don’t know how he has lasted this long, but it’s a blessing for all of us that he has. The sad part is, even if he does make it up with the Rangers, it’s a travesty we won’t get to watch him hit. This is the only permissible argument against the DH. Regardless, The Bartolo GIF Experience is up there with the best ones you can get, and so while I’m not rooting for Rangers pitchers to fail, I think this is something we all need in our lives one last time. Baseball gods, I’m praying to you. —Alex
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Did you enjoy this? Listen to the live draft (and much more of our season preview) below!
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